Chemical Reactions
by Pinup Barbie
Summary: Set in about the middle of New Moon. Edward never came back, Bella never had Jacob to lean on. Bella's life spirals into a world of sex, alcohol and drugs.
1. Prologue

**Okay Guys! This is my FIRST fan fiction so please be kind! I appreciate ALL feedback but not too harsh, my poor heart can't take it! I love to read fan fiction **

**And this is my first real crack at one of my own. I've always had ideas but I haven't been able to put them to paper. This WILL get better. The first chapter is really all about Edwards feelings. Full of angst I no but hey? Everyone loves a little emo Edward once in a while. Ill give you a little jist about what this story contains. Just so you wont get bored and leave me hanging! I know lots of people start stories from this point in the book but mine will hopefully be different! Mostly all of this story will be in Edwards POV. I just love it so much! Lots of gooey feelings about Bella! YAY!**

Introduction:

Takes place during New Moon, Edward never came back and Bella didn't have Jacob to count on. She spirals out of control taking the hard road of alcohol, sex and drugs.

Chemical Reactions

_**by Kaitie**_

_I was in my meadow. I heard a pleasing sound, something like that of a girl's laughter. Searching for the source knowing full well that an angel could only make it that was exactly what I found. Soft rays of light filtered through the trees creating a halo around her. I stood in the shadows of the trees, taking in all of her beauty. She turned around slowly with a questioning look on her face. Her eyes fell upon me and a small smile appeared on her rose-tinted lips. I could only stare. Her face was framed with soft curls of chestnut hair; it was gently waving in the breeze creating an unearthly effect. Her face was a creamy colour tinted slightly by the small flush that graced her soft cheeks. A look of Tranquility was scattered across her delicate features. The angel averted her gaze slightly and looked at the view before her taking in the scenery. Her lips parted slightly as if to say something but no words were uttered. _

_Without warning she quickly lowered herself to the ground lying down, resting on her elbows. Due to her sudden movement I was snapped out of me revere. I tried to avert my gaze, as it was by no means polite to stare but as soon as I managed to control my wondering eyes they fell upon this beautiful being once more. Her smile grew and I once again heard her enchanted laughter in the air. She beckoned to me, inviting me to her with her fragile hand. I quickly glided to her side, eager to not waste one moment of her company. I sat down beside her trying to keep a fair amount of distance between us but failed miserably. I could hardly control my body any more. My heart no longer belonged to me but to this magical being. I once again found myself staring at her face, engraving her features into my memory. I mustn't forget. I shall never forget. _

_She raised her hand and touched the tips of her fingers to my cheek. I could not suppress a gasp. Her warmth intoxicated me. I unconsciously leaned into her hand wanting more. I opened my eyes not realizing I had closed them to see yet another stunning smile upon her face. Desperately I leaned in to her closer, I could not control myself. I was hers, mind body and soul. I hesitantly lifted my hand to cup her chin hesitantly in my palm. My other arm snaked itself behind her resting gently on her hip. The angel had closed her eyes. Her lips so full, they were enticing me to touch them with my own. Calling to me. I had to see if they were still as soft as they were the last time I checked. I closed the distance between us; hungrily I pressed my lips against her perfect rosy ones. I did not deserve this, that much I knew. _

_Despite my knowledge of the fact I continued to kiss her. Sweetly at first but it soon progressed to a more frantic and passionate kiss. My hand tightened around her waist. She was so perfect I could not begin to comprehend how I came to deserve such a wonderful being. Just as we both parted our lips our tongues easily finding one an others she pulled away slightly and I reluctantly followed her lead even though I wanted more. Her hand slide down the side of my face until it reached the bottom of my lip. A playful smirk graced her features and I almost fainted at the sight of it. She looked so beautiful. No, it was something far beyond that. Something words just couldn't describe. Inside my thoughts I just barely caught her soft voice. _

_A single word was all that was spoken but that single word was all it took for my heart to soar. "Edward" she repeated in a whisper. Such heartfelt compassion was placed heavily on this one word. I felt a grin swipe across my face. I plunged in once again to capture those soft lips but just before I achieved my goal a loud boisterous voice pierced my illusion. The angel was fading, disappearing into the trees that surrounded us. I hopelessly reached out begging for her to stay. But it was no use. I was soon alone sitting in the middle of a now empty meadow. All the happiness had evaporated and all remained was a thick sense of foreboding that lingered around me in the air. I reluctantly returned to the world outside my mind. Leaving the angel behind._

"Edward!"

Emmett's deep voice was easily heard throughout the house without him having to yell. I groaned. Turing over on top of my bed, ducking my head under the covers. Why couldn't anyone just leave me alone? All I wished to do was return to my dreams so I could be with the person I needed most. My Bella. As much as I tried I had never been able to get her out of my mind. She was constantly there, like a bitter reminder of what I once had and will never have again. I would never get over Bella. I could never get over Bella. Since the moment we met she became the reason of my existence, without her I was hopeless. I had no reason to live. I tried my hardest to keep up appearances with my family, acting to the best of my ability. I tried, but failed miserably. Living with an empath did not help the situation.

Emmett had soon reached my door. Pounding on it with a heavy fist.

"Edward!" He shouted again. "Get your ass out of that bed we gotta get to school!"

I lay still listening to his heavy footsteps as he retreated down the hall and back into his and Rosalie's room. I gradually was able to coax myself out of the bed if not for myself but for my family. I quickly threw on some clothes not even noticing what I had picked up in my daze. I ran my hand threw my hair sighing to myself. The only reason I continued with my schooling was to keep Esme and Carlisle happy. I owe them too much to cause them pain intentionally.

I meandered down the corridor and stairs finally reaching the front door. All of the family was there except for Carlisle. I could only guess he was already at the hospital. I really didn't take much notice of others now. I could not help it, people just didn't interest me anymore. Alice shot me a quick smile when she saw me and I returned it half-heartedly but instead of a smile it turned out as more of a grimace. Alice greeted me with a small hello as did my other sibling but it was only out of manners. I could not blame them. We made our way towards Rosalie's car. I no longer bothered to drive us. I slid into the back seat preparing myself for yet another excruciating day at school. Everyday without Bella was painful.

**If you hadn't guessed the part written in italics was Edwards "dream" of Bella. Just thought I'd point it out if I didn't make it obvious enough :P**

**OMG! I finally finished! Trust me it WILL get better! That I promise and NO when bella and Edward meet up she will NOT go flying back to him like he did no wrong! If that happened they'd be no story would there? I LOVE YOU ALL! Please review if you liked it, even if you didn't tell my what I could improve on! If nobody review I will cry and nobody likes a crying Kaitie! If I get review I will continue, even if I only get one! Otherwise this story is FINITO!**

**Kaitie**

**xxx**


	2. Chapter 1

**FINALLY**

**There is absolutely no excuse for how long it's taken me to update. I've just been pretty busy with school, friends and just life in general and haven't had any real motivation to sit down and right the story ******** Sorry if I had anybody waiting for the next chapter. I hope it lives up to your expectations, it sure didn't live up to mine ******

**Edwards POV**

I spent the ten-minute drive to school reminiscing on the good times I had with Bella, the soft hum of the engine calming my thoughts. My eyes were closed. My hands resting by my sides, against the expensive leather interior. I inhaled deeply as an image of Bella was conjured up from my thoughts. She was smiling sweetly, hands crossed in front of her body rocking from side to side as if uncomfortably under my loving gaze. I could not help myself, a smile soon spread across my face, reaching ear to ear. My siblings probably thought me crazy because of the maniacal grin spreading across my face but I did not care. All that mattered was Bella.

She was giggling now, as if she heard my thoughts. A prominate blush spreading slowly but surely across her cheekbones. Her hands were held tightly together as if if she let go they would shatter into a million pieces. She was fiddling with a thin gold band on her ring finger, something I hadn't noticed while openly ogling her. I focused her slender finger and soon realized that it was my ring that was placed there. I had saw this ring in a jewelers in Port Angeles will shopping with Bella for books. I decided then that that would be the ring I proposed with. I was suddenly hit with a wave of longing. Bella could have been mine. If only I had not been so stubborn. If I had stayed with her, married her and eventually turned her into a vampire. As much as this was against my wishes I could now see there was no other alternative. Even if there was I would have been too selfish to choose it. I always secretly worried that Bella would find someone better, somebody who could relate to her better than I could. Namely somebody with a soul. Even though I always wished the best for her I truly only wished it to be with me. I could see this all now, after I left her. After doing the unforgivable.

I had written this ending in indelible ink, it could not be erased. The pens scratchings had sunk into the paper and could not be removed and I was forced to come to terms with this every minute of my unfulfilling life, if it could be so wrongly mistaken as one. Knowing the pain and hurt I had caused my angel tore me up inside. Every hurt I performed to her came back to hit me double fold. Her pain was my pain. I was so sure that she was my soul mate but for me to be called hers was a cruel miscalculation. She did not belong with me. No matter how much I wish she did.

I averted my attention back to the mythical person before my eyes. She wore a confused emotion on her small heart-shaped face. Looking into her eyes I saw such bewilderment. This Bella did not understand. To her I had done no wrong. She lived in an imaginary world that unfolded behind my eyelids. Nobody else got to enter this world, there was only her and me. Whatever I had done in the real world, to the real Bella was insignificant to her. She knew nothing of what had happened to her other self. Although this woman was seemingly identical to my Bella, I knew the difference. My imaginary companion did not have opinions and thoughts as real people did. She liked what I liked. She listened to what I listened to. She disliked what I disliked. This make-believe person was only a shell of my Bella. An illusion I had concocted to help me deal with the longing that always gnawed at me, reminding me of what I had lost. She was nowhere near the real thing. I needed the real Bella to survive, this imposter would not do. Yet I still visited her. That was how desperate I was.

Just to see Bella's face, hear her voice. It all helped me keep my sanity. But this was only a temporary solution. My imagination would soon run out and all I would be left with would be the emptiness and pain my mind always felt. My Family helped, but only slightly. No matter how much I loved and cared for my siblings and parents nothing could amount to the passion and love I felt for Bella. There was a constant need for her attention. Just to see her smiling face, it comforted my to no ends. Under her touch I quivered with delight. She did things to me, made me feel things that I had never once felt in all of my long cold existence. I wondered if this love I felt with Bella was the same as that Emmett felt for Rosalie or Jasper for Alice? Surely not, I could not believe that this much passion and feeling was something that they felt everyday for there immortal lives. It was impossible.

My fake angel was grimacing, not happy with the lack of attention I was paying her. She crossed her arms and turned her back on me with a quiet little huff, very childish but incredibly cute. I took this opportunity to take in her body. I knew this wasn't right but I could not control myself. It was perverted but I could not help it. She was so perfect, with exactly the right amount of curves in the right places. Her waist was unbelievably thin but did not look out of proportion to the rest of her body. She had a perfect hourglass figure. She was so tiny, extremely short. Probably only a little taller than Alice. Her features fit her perfectly; she truly looked like an angel that descended from the heavens. I almost reached out to try and touch her but soon stopped myself. I couldn't. She was only an illusion, something fabricated by my mind to help keep my docile and sane. If I touched her it would all fall apart. She was not real. She was only a poor remake of my Bella, pathetic in comparison.

She shyly looked over her shoulder, noticing my appreciative stare. A small giggle erupted from her lips and the sound was pure heaven. A blissful smile soon graced itself upon my lips. She turned back to face me, blowing me kisses with her rosy red lips. I chuckled under my breath. She was just so cute. With her sitting down now I noticed her white sundress rise up her legs, revealing her upper thigh. I gawked at her flawlessness. Her skin creamy against invisible muscles. Getting where my thoughts were going the imaginary Bella lent over towards me, reaching out her hand in a beckoning motion. Before I had time to answer her with a reply I was yet again bumped awake by a not so subtle jolt.

My eyelids flipped open to reveal that we had reached our destination. Oak Lake Secondary College. Perfectly suitable name as there were no oak trees or lakes near by, it's wonderful to know that our school raises the bar of education. I followed my family grudgingly in a terribly mood from being awoken again from another 'Bella Fantasy'. As this was our first day we headed swiftly towards the office. An ugly gray building with jagged bits of veneered wood sticking out at off angles. This Architect must have been seriously intoxicated when designing this place. A warm gust hit us as we entered the cramped too-warm area. The five of us approached the desk with confidence; we were defiantly professionals when it came to first days.

Alice spoke in a pleasant low hum informing the heavily make-upped girl behind the desk of our situation. She stuffed a number of forms and sheets into Alice's hand before returning to fluffing up her hair with her hand in the small mirror hanging by her desk. I did not bother to read her thoughts. I hardly read anybody's except my families anymore. Even that was quite rare. Memorizing my timetable we separated and headed to our respective classes.

My feet dragging heavily on the ground as I slowly made my way to building 4. Entering through its wide glass doors I felt an immense ruse of déjà vu. The narrow hallway was filled with the sound of many different conversations that all mingled into one earsplitting mass of noise. Bodies rushed past, some brushing up against my side. I immediately flinched away from the contact. I did not like physical contact in any form whatsoever; well at least with these types of people. Their minds were full of insignificant details. Useless things they found important, I did not have to read their minds to know this as fact.

I walked promptly past a collaboration of lockers where three platinum blondes were discussing something or another in a disapproving tone. I caught snippets of their conversation without even trying to. " He's like so hot Tiffany! How can you not like him? Your just jealous he didn't ask you out!" her nasally voice rose to almost hysterics at the end of her sentence. I shook my head. The bubble headed blonde continued to fawn over this apparently "gorgeous hunk". I use her words exactly. I quickened my pace hoping to soon escape this senseless chatter. Not soon enough I entered the room off to the side of the hallway with a big black "15" written above its door. After introducing myself to the teacher who I learnt was named Mr. Purcell, bland name for a bland man. I thought as I made my way towards my designated seat.

Soon the classroom began filling up. I noticed two of the blonde girls walk in and settle themselves towards the back of the class. A brawny boy wearing the schools football jumper followed them and sat at the table behind them. Then entered a pair of skinny girls with frizzy hair and glasses. This school seemed to have all the stereotypes, I felt like I was in one of those badly written daytime soaps. A chair scrapped obnoxiously against the linoleum floor. My head snapped up to greet the person. His chair was angled away from me, turned to face the table behind us. I glanced at person sitting next to me to offer a polite greeting but the boy had his back facing me. I turned away slightly irritated by his behavior and focused my attention to the front of the room where Mr. Purcell was gathering his notes and marking things down casually. Without meaning to I tuned into the conversation between the boy sitting next to me and a couple of girls behind my table.

"Hi Ash." A girl giggled out. "How are you?" This class could not get more boring I thought. Perhaps I shall return to my day dreams, though it really can't be good for my mental state. A smooth voice next to me answered the girls nonchalantly. "Same old, same old." I saw him pout out of the corner of my eye. "Any of you girls free after school?" I almost shuddered in disgust. Teenage school dating. I could never escape it no matter where I went. The girls both laughed uncontrollably as if he had said some unbelievably funny joke. They answered excitedly that they were both free and would love to do something. "Alright." The boy commented. "Meet me at my house whenever hmm?" he left his sentence hanging. Mr. Purcell began his lesson so the boy turned himself in the vague direction of the black board but did not seem to bother writing any notes.

Noticing my scrutinizing gaze he turned his head towards me and offered a smile. "You knew here huh?" his tone was upfront and I was blown away at his willingness to talk to me. As most vampires seemed to intimidate humans and with me in such a bad mood I could only imagine what vibes I was giving off. I nodded curtly. "We just moved into the town, I'm Edward Cullen." He made a small o shape with his mouth. "A Cullen hmm? I saw your sister in the hallway yesterday, she's a looker I guess but seems to have something stuck up her arse. Sorry mate but its true." He added as an afterthought. I actually smiled slightly. _Rosalie_. I thought. _Perfect description. _

"Rosalie." I filled him in. "She has a tendency to come off like that. It is intended though, so I wouldn't try and set your sights on her." He laughed loudly. "Don't worry bout it mate." He added lightly. "I'll try not to be swept off my feet" he chuckled pushing some brown locks of hair from his face. _Quite an attractive boy. _I noted. Probably popular. Our conversation had come to a halt but he soon filled the silence. "So where you living at?" his butchered English was torturing me. "Just you and your sister here?" I shook my head to answer his question. "No, my parents, two brothers and two sisters." He had picked up a pencil and began twirling it absentmindedly. "Ahhhh big family." I hmmed along to continue to the lacking conversation.

"How about you?" I asked just to be courteous. "Just me and my mum." He laughed at a joke I seemed to have missed. "But I guess you can say I have a lot of sisters, well it feels like it." He seemed to notice my puzzled expression and explained. "My mums pretty young, she's got a lot of lively friends and they basically live with us so that explains the extra siblings. Mum herself too." He smiled again reminiscing I guessed. "Its all good though. We have fun, I wouldn't want my life any other way." I had hardly noticed but the class seemed to be winding up and Mr. Purcell ending his lesson, the other boy noticed too and got out of his seat. "I'm Ash by the way. See ya later." Ash quickly made his way out of the classroom and I gathered my books making my way towards next period. _Oh what a joy school is_. I thought sarcastically. The rest of the day past agonizingly slowly and every second I was wishing I was back with my beloved. She had made high school something I enjoyed, seeing her smiling face everyday, god I just wish I could go back to those happy times.

The bell sounded loud and clear to signal then end of the day and students flocked out of the classrooms, flooding the corridors in an instant. The crowds diminished quickly as the students fled from the confines of the school and out towards the car park. I did not dawdle and gathered the books necessary t complete the totally pointless homework that had been assigned to me that day before making my way out to the car. The car park was now full and bustling with activity. Most of the cars in the parking lot were middle of the range, unlike Rosalie's flashy little number. Only one car in the parking lot seemed to be of equal value and quality as ours. The car was a black convertible with what looked like very expensive leather interior. Quite nice, was the conclusion I drew.

A small cluster of people had crowded around this expensive car, mostly boys but I did notice a couple of girls looking at it with envious eyes. Music was blasting from the cars stereo at an obnoxious volume and it seemed to make the ground shake itself. Just as I had reached our car a voice called out, a voice that had been replaying over and over in my mind like a broken record. "Hey pussy!" her voice was raised so that it carried over the car park but still sounded as smooth as velvet. "Hurry it up we don't have all day!" My head, along with that of my siblings whipped around towards the source of the noise. It seemed that not only me had her wonderful voice etched in my mind.

A petite girl stood on the hood of the convertible I had been looking at before, her hands were held out to her sides, a pair of strappy black heels in her hands. With my sensitive hearing I heard someone chuckle from the other side of the car park and his heavy footsteps as he jogged across the now emptying field. "Gosh **mother! **No need to have a panic attack." The boy who I identified as Ash, the one I met in one of my classes picked up the slender girl effortlessly and slid her into the passenger seat. He himself positioned himself in the front seat before turning around and nodding to the two young ladies I had totally missed in the back seat. I spared them a quick glance out of curiosity but soon returned my attention back to the brunette beauty in the front seat. Her lip was stuck out in an irresistible pout. She was so much better than I remembered, my illusion gave her no justice. Ash pulled out of the parking spot suddenly and sped out of the gateway, earning a few shrieks from the brunette and girls in the back. As they pulled out the brunettes hair fluttered around wildly in the air, her scent was propelled towards me suddenly. I breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent. _My beautiful Bella, I've missed you. _

**I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone with my chapter, I wasn't really happy with it myself. If anybody missed it Bella was that brunette girl who called out in the car park. Please review with your advice and opinions. I got 294 hits for the last chapter but only 9 reviews! Sorry again for how long it took me to get around to writing the chapter. If any of you noticed I decided to change my pen name, I just wanted something different. Sorry if it caused confusion.**

**Love from Kaitie.**


	3. Authors Note

**Ahhh I'm really sorry to do this to everyone but it's pretty much necessary considering how long it's been since I've updated. I have absolutely no excuse so feel free to yell at your computer screen and in turn me to your hearts content. I'm hoping that the next chapter will be done soon and uploaded before Christmas. No scratch that. WILL DEFINATLY BE UPLOADED BEFORE CHRISTMAS. God I'm a pathetic writer. I have no persistence and a very short attention span. **

**I'm hoping that this author's note will clarify a few things that some of the reviewers have kindly brought to my attention. After re-reading my story I've realized how bad it is and how things I've thought in my head just haven't been transferred right. **

**-Bella is not a vampire.**

**-Bella IS Ash's mother.**

**-Edward is not human. His dream was not a real one, I meant for it to be a sort of daydream.**

**-It has been around 18 years since Edward left and yes I know that this means Bella is a full adult and a lot older than Edward now but in this story she looks only around 20 at the most. A mix of aging gracefully and plastic surgery. Haha. Just try and ignore her age, the story works that way :)**

**-I WILL be continuing this story. I would absolutely love to finish it some day but for that I need peoples support so review if you like the story or have any questions and ideas.**

_**A special thanks to the people who reviewed.**_

_**xxxxParvati-Patilxxxx**_

_**Edwardcullenmyboyfreind**_

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_**.Mom**_

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**Sorry once again for the author's note. I know myself as a fanfiction reader that they are VERY annoying. The next chapter should be updated soon. I really appreciate everyone's reviews. They made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!**


	4. Chapter 2

**Okay, Okay. Please don't kill me for how long this took. It's a bit too short for my liking and I'm sorry for that too. I just really wanted to upload something as it's been so long. I went wayyyyyy over my deadline I set for myself. Feel free to pelt me w****ith rocks. I deserve it. A special thanks to **_**IncomCorporation. **_**Her review kicked me into gear and made me finish writing this chapter. Anyway on with the story…**

**Edwards POV**

That night following Bella's surprise appearance the whole house seemed to be floating on cloud nine. Alice was in something that could be classified as nothing other than euphoria and the rest of the family clearly following her example. Despite my families obvious joy at Bella's blaze back into our lives I was less vocal about my feelings. Of course they were there. They were just diluted by the other ones that overlapped them and pushed them out of my mind.

_Why is Bella here? __Why was she wearing such an unlike her outfit? And what was with that shocking language? How did she know that Ash boy? Are they together? _I stopped breathing once this thought had entered my mind. I clutched the stair banister in my fist causing it to splinter and crack. Just the thought of her with someone else caused me to see red. She was mine; well at least she used to be. I thought glumly. I continued up to my room leaving a glaring Esme at the bottom of the stairs. Looking with guilt at the evident dent I had left in her mahogany handrail.

I spent the rest of the night and early morning sprawled out on the sofa in my room, Music filling my senses and somewhat calming my erratic thoughts. The hours dragged by and all that I could think of was the beautiful creature that had shocked my senses the previous afternoon. I glanced at my watch to gauge the time. It seemed a reasonable hour to leave for school. I threw on some clothes without taking much care as to what I chose and ran my hands through my hair a few times in a pathetic attempt to clear my head and think somewhat rationally. My thoughts continued to torment me all day. I only had only a few more classes left until I could escape this hell and try and come to terms with what I had recently discovered. My next class was with Mr. Purcell. The same class I happened to have yesterday.

I entered the room just as I had before and sat in the same seat. It seemed as if they had been decided the previous day. The bell soon sounded and just like clockwork Ash breezed into the classroom and plunked himself down in the seat beside me before the teacher could notice his tardiness. Mr. Purcell handed out a series of worksheets to the class before mumbling something about needing to go do something this class and that since we were responsible adults we could look after ourselves. He swiftly left the room with a pile of books tucked under his arm, checking his watch with an intense gaze. With the teacher gone I saw it as a perfect moment to try strike up a conversation with the last person I had seen with my angel Bella. He sat looking up at the ceiling fiddling with what on closer inspection I classified as a paperclip.

I cleared my throat in an effort to grab his attention but his eyes still remained firmly shut. _God, this boy is irritating. _I guess the direct approach was probably the best in this case. "So, I saw you in the car park after school yesterday." Ash opened his left eye, the one closest to me and grinned. "Well, seeing as that's where the majority of the schools population gathers after school I wouldn't be surprised if you did." He stretched his hands out above his head before slumping down on the table, his head hidden by his crossed arms.

"Who was that girl you were with?" Ash tapped his finger to his chin and hmmed as if in thought. "Well, I was with quite a few girls after school, you know me. They just swarm. Which one in particular are we talking about?" I couldn't help but crack a smile at him. He was just such a typical teenager. I hadn't been around someone like this in god knows how long. "She was in a car, you went home with her." How could anybody possibly not remember Bella? She was just too gorgeous for words. Now, just as much as she was when I left her. She seemed untouched from all the years that had passed.

"Ahhhhh. You must be talking about Izzy. She's coming to pick me up tonight. She's pretty eh? Why you interested in taking a shot at her?" Izzy? Since when had see been known as Izzy? But I shouldn't be as surprised as I am. It's been years since I knew her. People change. I thought with a slight grimace. "No, I didn't really mean that. How do you know her?" I averted my eyes from him and let my gaze slide around the room. I was worried that my questioning would make him in turn question me but luckily he just laughed.

"Probably better that your not then. Trust me she's got a fair few guys pining after her. You'd have to join the queue. Did you know she's got a fan club? Ahhh man. Funny shit. I'm serious though. They actually like have meeting and stuff." He continued to talk at such a fast speed that I'm sure if I wasn't a vampire it would have all blurred together and become an indecipherable jumble of conglomerated words. I just smiled and nodded. Trying to not let the annoyance show on my face that he hadn't actually answered the question I asked.

When he paused for breath I quickly added something before he could go off on yet another rant. "So is she your partner or something of the sort?" Ash blinked and his mouth hung open for a few moments before he started laughing hysterically. He slammed his fist down on the bench top and threw his head back, his body shaking. "Oh...My….GOD!" He managed to gasp out before bursting into laughter again. "You got it so wrong dude. Oh man. That's just made my fucking day. Thanks man, thanks." He was still chuckling a bit but could not form a coherent sentence, if you could call it that. He slapped me on the shoulder before wiping a few tears of laughter from his eyes.

He was still muttering under his breath when I dared to speak without fear he would explode again. "What's so hilarious?" I shot him a confused gaze which was mixed with absolute joy. _So they aren't together._ He ran his hand through his hair and started grinning like a maniac. "You are so _**new**_mate. Iz isn't my girlfriend man. She's my mum." I started choking on the air I had just inhaled. _His __mother__? _She certainly didn't look like the motherly type. _Wow, Bella had a child. _This was what I wanted I guessed. She moved on. She probably has some wonderful boyfriend or something now. Does she have any other children? Ash said he didn't have any siblings.

Ash interrupted my thoughts again for what wasn't the first time in the short time I had known him. "Aw don't worry about it. Common mistake, all the newbie's make it. She looks pretty young yeah? Won't tell me her age though but I've guessed it. Pretty sure she's somewhere between 34 to 39. Don't look it eh? She doesn't act it either. Nothing wrong with that though. Probably best mum a guy could ask for." The bell rang interrupting Ash and my conversation. He stood up almost immediately at the sound. "Ahhh, I'll see ya around yeah? I've got a hot redhead to meet up with." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and I couldn't help but let out a laugh.

It shocked me. I hadn't been this 'alive' since I was with Bella. I guess his positive attitude was just contagious. He had zoomed out of the classroom just as I was standing up. _His mother huh? _The thought still seemed obscene to me. Ash said that she was coming back to the school this afternoon. Just the thought of seeing her again lifted my spirits. I wasn't sure If I should approach her. Probably best not to today. I should talk to my family about this first. But god, how much I wanted to.

I had been living without her for too long and seeing her now was like teasing a starving man with food. She was so close but now she seemed just as unattainable as before. She was just too perfect, too beautiful, too wonderful for this world. I didn't deserve her, I never had and now even less than before. Her face that night I left her broke my heart. She looked so wounded. If the pain she felt was anywhere close to what I did I don't know how she survived.

I rounded the corner and entered my next classroom. My mind was miles away filled with thoughts of Bella, or should it be Izzy now? No, to me she was Bella. Always will be. My beautiful Bella. She had entered my life once again and even though she didn't know it she had made a solid imprint on my heart. I could never live without her. That much I knew and now that I had seen her again there was no way I was letting her go. I sat down as the lesson began and ran my hand over my face. I was going to see her again this afternoon. Only a few more torturous hours of incredible boredom to go.

**Please P****lease PLEASE review. Reviews make me really happy and if I don't get them I don't update. It's as simple as that. I'm not trying to be mean or anything I just need to know that there's people who want to read the story and that makes me want to write it! Feel free to ask questions of leave constructive criticism. I am just VERY amateur writer and want to improve my writing anyway I can. No flames though. They would make me sad D: I don't know when I'll write and upload the next chapter, so I won't set a deadline. I'll try not to neglect my story as much though and have it up as soon as I've finished it.**


	5. Chapter 3

**AN: I started writing this chapter a day after I finished and posted the last one. I'm feeling really proud of myself. I feel awful for taking so long to finish the other one so I thought that getting on top of this one early would be sort of payback of some kind. Hopefully it's alright and matches together with the previous chapters. This chapter is mainly based on Edwards's thoughts and feelings. Sorry I didn't develop the story much. I'll work on it in the next chapter. I just noticed that I haven't done any disclaimers in all of my chapters which is pretty bad so I'll do one in this one.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and none of its characters belong to me. Only the plot and the characters made by myself do.**

My last couple of classes passed extraordinarily slowly. I felt as if time had stopped just to spite me and keep me from seeing Bella again as I so desperately wanted. My eyes flickered back up to the Bakelite analogue clock perched above precariously above the whiteboard at the front of the classroom.

My fingertips drummed on the table in a steady rhythm, following what I'm sure would have been the erratic beating of my heart if it was possible for it to do so. I ripped my eyes away from the clock with difficulty. If I kept on staring so intently chances were I would somehow manage to burn a hole in it.

Thoughts of Bella filled my mind and were soaring around with such speed that I felt I would collapse from the extreme weight they carried. Bella had a baby. **Bella **had a **baby**. That meant that at some point in the time we had been apart she had gotten together with a man and procreated. A shudder shook through my body and I clenched my hands down on the edge of the table.

I didn't care if it left marks. I didn't care about anything but **her**. My angel had been with someone that wasn't me. The notion simply disgusted me. I know I had no right to feel this way but the emotions kept bubbling up inside me until threatening to explode. I was glad Jasper wasn't anywhere near me right now. Though I wouldn't be surprised if he could feel my outburst wherever he was in the school grounds.

I had left with that hope that she would move on but now that I was faced with the evidence I couldn't handle it. I loved her unconditionally and all I wanted was to be with her. The circumstances didn't matter. Since I had truly lost her I could see that. It was more obvious to me now than ever before that I was in fact an extremely selfish being. If given the chance of being with her forever, changing her into a vampire wouldn't be nearly as challenging as the thought of it was for me before.

Some other guy touched her, kissed the same lips that I did. Did she like him more than me? Oh god. Did she love him? For me the thought of loving another was impossible. I felt for her just as strongly if not more then I had when I was with her. Somehow the time I spent away from her had only intensified my feelings rather than dulling them down like I had hoped.

It was completely juvenile for me to suspect my feelings would decrease in intensity. Bella was a part of me almost as soon as she entered my life. Even though I didn't think much about what was happening at that time. She changed me effortlessly and the impact she made on my life would never become less prominent. No matter how many years passed.

The days when I called Bella my girlfriend were without a doubt the happiest time of my long dull life. Well, dull before Bella was in the picture. Girlfriend and Boyfriend was what our relationship was labeled as but it never felt right to me. It didn't seem strong enough to properly convey my feelings for her.

Wife was better but I doubted she would have warmed to that idea when we were together let alone now. But the thought was tempting. Even if it was next to impossible in real life toying with the prospect in my mind didn't to any harm. Well accept to my sanity I suppose.

But there was no possible way to tell if she felt the same way. Well except for straight out asking her. Though suddenly popping up into her life again without announcement after I did such a terrible thing to her would either give her a heart attack or leave me suffering from some kind of rejection or hurt. Just thinking about being rejected by Bella made me cringe.

It was totally ridiculous for me to assume that she still felt the same way that I did but thinking the opposite hurt too much. I was a terrible excuse for a person. If I even classified my miserable self as one. Monster is more appropriate. It always had been.

Before I met Bella I was a Monster. I lived with no prospects and didn't have any goals in life. The fact that I was a horrifying creature was only more firmly presented to myself and others when I rebelled and broke away from Carlisle. I killed so many people. They may have been bad ones. Ones that caused pain and suffering to others but the fact still remained.

I killed them for there blood. I lusted after it. It could be described as nothing else. And the worst thing was, it wasn't just the blood I enjoyed. In some sick and twisted way, me killing these terrible people was a good thing. It got them off the streets and stopped them from ruining others lives. Though it doesn't justify what I did.

They were still people, and I still killed them. I didn't even have to be thirsty to drink back then, though I didn't hesitate to do so when I was. The feeling and taste of the forbidden crimson liquid running down my throat and easing the burn I had become so accustomed to was the closest thing to heaven I had ever felt at the time. Before falling in love with Bella of course. The love I felt for her was the only thing I had ever felt that rivaled with what so many vampires gave into.

While I was with Bella I was still a Monster. She was so innocent and pure and I was just a tainted excuse for a man. Whilst I loved her there was always the voice in the back of my mind craving for her blood. Pushing me to my limits to where I had to constantly watch myself just for fear I would lose control and kill her without a thought.

Now that Bella was gone I was just as much a monster as I had been on both previous accounts. I wallowed in my own self pity without a care for how I was affecting my family. Now that I had seen Bella again I only wanted to charge back into her life and start back from where we left off.

The bell that signaled the end of the day rang out in the classroom. The sound reverberated off the walls and I was out of my seat like a flash. I walked briskly out of the classroom and towards the car park. All I could think of was her. My pace was verging on a human run and I rounded the corner and headed towards the exit.

I opened the door with a flick of my wrist and breathed in the damp air. Mixed in with the smell of wet grass from an earlier shower and the scent of the other students now milling around me I could just catch a faint hint of it if I concentrated hard.

The smell I had become so used, that drove my senses wild and brought both calm and hazard with it. The beautiful scent of my Bella. I breathed in deeply craving more, as always. I'm just as selfish as I've ever been.

**Okay, chapter finished. This was record speed for me, seeing as I'm quite a slow writer. I'm not sure when I'll get around to writing the next chapter so please don't kill me if it takes a little while! Please review as they really help to motivate me and direct my writing. Any constructive criticism or feedback is welcome.**


	6. Chapter 4

**AN: I have not uploaded in forever. I have no excuse. I don't think that I set a time limit for when I was supposed to update, but if I did, I'm sorry! I didn't exactly forget about this story. Just sort of lost faith in it. I had permanent writers block, although not really idea wise, just not knowing how to get it down on paper (aka computer) wise. It never takes me long to actually write the chapters, just get around to doing them. Sorry about the wait once again. I have no excuse except sheer laziness and my terrible writing skills.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Only the original characters I created myself.**

The throngs of people in the car park disappeared as soon as I caught sight of her. She looked just as incredibly beautiful as she had yesterday, if not more so. I breathed in deep and even though her scent was so tainted by the many students milling around me it still brought back a swarm of memories and made my heart ache with need.

She lay strewn out along the back seat of the convertible, Her back flat against the leather interior. From my vantage point I could see one delicate hand lifted to lie across her face, obscuring my vision of her eyes. It was all I could do to stop myself from storming over there and ripping it away from its current position. I had spent all too long away from those beautiful eyes.

Her legs were splayed out at odd angles, one hanging over the side of the car she was closest too, the other hidden by the front seat. Her mouth hung open, her pouty red lips looking so kissable that I felt somehow more aware of those around me and for some reason every small movement she made seemed that much more indecent.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ash ambling across the lawn towards the convertible. I envied him for how he could so easily spend time with Bella. It was something I wanted now so much than I ever thought it possible for anyone to want anything. I walked over towards Rosalie's car, which was too my pleasure and somehow not surprise, parked behind Bella's. Somehow I was sure Alice had some role to play in this.

None of my family had reached the car park yet, let alone the car. I could only once again put this down to Alice's meddling ways, which all of a sudden I was not feeling too opposed to. Call it desperation, but whatever chance I would have to be close to Bella, I would claw at it like a lost puppy. By the time I had reached Rosalie's car and leaned against it in a somewhat attempt at casual, Ash had reached Bella. I watched somewhat distractedly, trying to make my obvious interest just the opposite of that.

Ash just shook his head when he reached the car and chuckled out loud at Bella's unkempt appearance. "Mark decided against going home last night huh?" He seemed to already know the answer but asked anyway. Bella only nodded with a small grunt before emitting a loud groan whilst removing the hang shielding her eyes to holding her head with both hands.

"You do know that a hangover is God's way of telling you had too much, and commonly amongst most normal people, and note I said normal they would take it as a sign that perhaps a few days should be left free for recovery before traipsing out into this wild, wild world we live in and reliving the precisely mentioned nightmare again?" Even with my good hearing I did not hear what Bella mumbled back to him, though from his responding grin I could only assume to along what lines it could have been.

Ash's voice was a totally other story though, and I did not doubt that the people three cars down could quite clearly hear their conversation, no matter how one-sided it was. "How did you even manage to drive here, Let alone bother? I am quite capable of getting a lift myself, or if a certain person would be so kind to buy me a car I could even……wait for it wait for it….." Ash clasped his hand over his mouth and gasped deeply. "Drive!" He exclaimed with astonishment.

"Oh but Ash honey, don't you_** love**_ your mummykins coming to pick you up? Here I thought I was being overly kind by gracing you with my presence." Bella voice was hoarse as she spoke but she seemed to come alive as she picked who was quite unbelievingly her son. "But seriously Iz, you amaze me. To drive in such bad condition I am quite in awe of your superhuman abilities." He seemed somewhat perturbed at her easy avoidance on the issue of his own car.

"I didn't drive." She said matter of factly. "Mark did." Ash's eyebrows seemed to skyrocket off his head as he turned from the driver's seat to face the back seat and in turn me, although he didn't notice as of yet. "Wow, new record mum. Not only did you let the annoying bugger bone you and stay the night, which might I add is a record itself for you, but you let him hang out with you the morning slash day after. What is this may I ask? Has a new romantic interest entered the life of one Isabella Marie Swan."

Bella visibly scoffed at him before giving him a sharp glare. "You know that name doesn't sit well with me Ash, don't do it again. But anyway, he offered and seeing as driving would not only hurt me but quite possibly kill us both with my fucking mega migraine I saw no other option. After all there's no way I'd break my promise of picking you up for the whole week you little ragamuffin you!" She added the last comment in a sickly sweet sarcastic tone.

"Too kind mother, too kind. Where is this so called knight in shining armor then?" She only laughed before wincing in pain and once more holding her head. "Kicked him out as soon as we got here, I'm assuming he'll be walking up the 925 right about now trying to hitch a ride.

I saw my family from across the lot, walking towards the car at human pace. The lot had pretty much emptied out by now so it was easier than it had been to hear their conversation. "Well aren't you a little heartbreaker." Ash added whilst turning on the car's engine and pulling out of the car space. Bella only snorted.

"What can I say Ash, he was a shitty fuck. Trust me, that shit I bought from Aiden last night was bad man. Total judgment fuck. Next time I take that shit make sure there are only hot, sexually skilled beings around me. I'm not particularly inclined to reliving last night again unless there's some sort of payment involved."

Ash just burst out laughing before swerving through the school gates and out onto the main road. By now my family had reached the car and were already getting in. I slid into my seat in the back silently, too dumbstruck by everything I heard and too blinded by her scent to feel apart from the glory that was being close to Bella. Let alone think through and process what I had learnt from their conversation.

Rosalie started the care with a twist of her wrist and we were soon out of the school and on the road towards our house. I didn't see Bella's car once on the way home.

**AN: This chapter sucked…..bad. But my writing is just not very good right now, and I hope this story will help develop it. I do plan on continuing this story and am in no way abandoning it. I'm not sure when I will next update as I'm going away on holiday for a week and knowing me will just get sidetracked by that for ages. I fail at being a FF writer! Please review, as your reviews and opinions really matter to me and I will try to reply to everyone when I can. Feel free to ask questions if I made anything unclear, even though not a lot really happened in this chapter. I'm just trying to lead up to an idea that I have of how to make this story progress.**


	7. AN

I know I haven't updated on this story in, gosh, years? I also know that most people will have forgotten or abandoned this story. I just want to gauge if anyone wishes me to revisit it and continue? Or if I should just scrap it completely. I have been very busy as I'm in my final year of school, so trying very hard to get a good score for university! I hope to try frequent fanfiction more often and maybe post some more stories. Sorry, if anyone is reading this, about my ridiculously sporadic posting and unreliability.

Love Kaitie xxx


	8. Chapter 5

**AN: Yeah, don't know if anyone is still reading this/still alerted etc. Well. I someone is. Sporadic poster right here! Tell me what you think about this chapter? If I get 7 more reviews on this chapter I will continue because I want to know if there's still any interest. (By the way I uploaded a very short one-shot between Edward and Bella. Go check it out yo)**

**xx Katie**

I spent my days at school trying to get as close to Ash at possible, in hopes of hearing anything about my Bella. I spent my nights in the aching company of my mind, tortured with images of her from both the past and the present. Oh god she's just so gorgeous.

In two ridiculously stretched out weeks I felt that I knew more about Ash than I did about myself, soaking up any information which he forfeited. Bella never came to school again. When I asked about this subtly Ash laughed it off saying that her week of picking him up had come to an end.

I prompted him endlessly about his home life and whatever would sway his thoughts towards Bella so I could launch myself into his mind and greedily lap up every brief passing of her. My nights were torturous and I had to keep myself from following Ash inconspicuously to his home just in the hopes of catching a glimpse of my darling.

Ash was aware of the interest I held in his mother however didn't find it strange. Apparently there had been many male students who attempted to saddle up with him to try and get close to his mother. Oh god. Mother. I still couldn't come to terms with it.

I felt bad for using Ash however after the first week I actually found myself enjoying his conversation and company. Something which I had never had with any human other than Bella. Or Izzy, as shes known now. God I would never call her that.

She had such a beautiful name and to butcher it in such a way was unheard of. Bella rolled off the tongue and resonated through your ears where Izzy only left an unpleasant taste in my mouth and twanging in my head.

I was sitting next to Ash in class, listening to him politely prattle about some 'chick' which he had recently 'scored' with. Regardless of me generally enjoying our conversations, this was never a topic which I showed much interest. His words floated over me, forming a slurred sort of buzzing however I was broken out of this by the mention of my darlings name. Well, her new name I suppose.

I turned to face him more directly, as much as our tables could allow. "Pardon? I missed that Ash, you speak at a million miles an hour." He chuckled lightly but didn't deny the comment before rephraising what he had said.

"I asked if you wanted to come over after school man. Izzy's is having some friends around but I think we'd still be able to get a good start on this group assignment." I looked at him somewhat quizzically. "You know?" he prompted. "That one we were given two days ago, you and me? Partners?"

I nodded slowly. It wasn't like me to 'fall behind' at school how it was obvious my memory had been significantly impaired my Bella-obsession. I swallowed heavily before replying calmly, "This afternoon is fine. Should I meet you at your house?" He shook his head, "Nah it's fine. I actually have the car today, plus you drive here in a communal car hey? Just meet me in the parking lot after school."

The conversation ended here and the class carried on without any major landmarks. My thoughts ran through my head at an alarming pace. I felt nervous and happy for the first time in a very long stretch. I didn't know how Bella would take my appearance in her life so suddenly. What if she hated me? Kicked me out of her house? Or worse, didn't even remember me? I quelled all these thoughts, thinking that regardless of the outcome I would be seeing my love.

The end of the school day could not come soon enough and moments before the last bell rang I was already making my way out of the building. I waited beside Ash's, or I suppose, Bella's car. Its sleek black paintjob reflected my image back to me. I looked cool and collected however on the inside, I was in chaos.

I had already informed Alice of my plans for this afternoon and she excitedly skipped off to tell my other siblings. She seemed to assume that Bella would come running back into our cold, open arms. But I couldn't be that optimistic.

Ash greeted me at the car not long after I had reached it and beeped it open. I slide into the passenger seat and inhaled deeply. Bella's sent mixed with the smell of leather assaulted my senses. God, it hadn't changed.

Ash drove fast, but with precision and within ten minutes we had pulled up outside a very respectable house. It seemed that Bella had done well for herself. My stomach dropped as I got out of the car and closed the door with a soft thud. Ash grinned back at me sensing my nervousness. It seemed that this boy wasn't lying when he said he was used to friends being infatuated with his mother.

"Some of my friend's mothers don't let them come around here. They say my mother's 'inappropriate'. I call her fun. And I call them jealous." His grin grew as he walked up to the house. I followed in tow, mind too wrought to give any two dimensional aspect to the conversation.

Surprisingly the door was unlocked and Ash had to only turn the handle. "There always someone here." He explained. "No need for locking when you have on hand security hey?" I laughed half-heartedly, truly too lost in my own thoughts for anything else.

Ash led me down the hallway and I nearly fainted from the intensity of Bella's scent. Having been away from it for so long I was in no way prepared for the onslaught to my senses. My throat burned in a familiar way however from the time that Bella and I spent together I had long learned to control my need.

Loud music blasted from a state of the art stereo in the living room, no doubt filling the whole house with the sound of it. Ash walked past it turning down the volume dial as he did so it was at a more manageable level. He led me through a few rooms before settling in what I assumed to be the lounge room.

He signalled for me to take a seat on the couch beside him before pulling out a laptop and tossing me a textbook. "We have to email it to him by Friday so I think it would be best if we kept all out work together in one file rather than having random pieces of handwritten paper flying around which we would later have to transcribe. How's that sound?" I nodded lazily, drunk off of Bella's sent whilst still on edge waiting for her to appear at any moment. Wishing that she would appear.

We worked on the assignment for around half an hour in silence. We were making progress quickly, with the assignment not being particularly challenging for a normal teen, let alone me. My mind was elsewhere though. My stomach lurched as I heard the sound of bare feet on wooden stairs, coming down towards us. I kept my eyes trained on the open textbook in front of me as Bella entered the room. I stopped breathing for a while before taking in her scent once again. God she was amazing.

I looked up in her direction seeing that she was yet to take notice of my presence. As soon as I looked up my eyes shot back to my lap. Bella's chocolate hair was longer than when I last saw her, reaching down to her waist. She stood on the marble floor in a black lace bra, matching underwear and a loose, open business shirt which clearly did not belong to her and swallowed up her small frame.

I had never seen her in such a state of undress, even while we were dating. My breath hitched in my throat. Her skin was milky pale as ever. She was slender and curved at the hips and bust just in the right ways. Oh god. I feel like a creep. The kitchen was attached open plan to the living room and she sauntered over to the counter, reaching up to a high cupboard. She was facing away from us and I couldn't help but stare as her leg and thigh muscles stretched.

"Ash baby. Can you help me for a second?" He mm'd in response and stood up, making his way towards her. He reached down for her a pair of wine glasses which he passed to her. "Thanks darling. I'm going back upstairs 'kay, Freddy's over an….." She turned back to face the lounge as Ash made his way back to the sofa.

Her eyes landed on me and an expression of what I can only gauge as pure, unadultered shock plastered itself on her face. Glass shattered on the marble floor as she dropped the glasses but she didn't move and neither her or myself, or Ash for that matter broke the silence. I lifted my eyes from the shattered glass back to her eyes. They were still warm pools of chocolate brown, and oh gods, I'm drowning.


End file.
